Blame
by Kinpaginpa
Summary: "I'm fine." Karen replied, too quickly. She paused and took a deep breath. "I am, Matt, I'm fine." In which Matt knows something is wrong and he can't leave it alone.


Karen Page stood outside the door to the office. It was 3:00 AM and the building around her was quiet, but traffic sounds still drifted up from the streets as she fumbled for her keys.

Her hands shook as she tried to fit the key into the lock. Her exhaustion was catching up with her.

After getting the door open, she made her way over to her desk, dumping her purse on the ground and herself into the chair. She turned on her computer, half a mind to check her email and organize some files.

As she pulled up her inbox, however, the screen began to swim before her eyes. It couldn't hurt to rest them, just for a second. She leaned her head on her hand and closed her eyes. Just for a second…

…

…

"…Karen?"

A hand on her shoulder.

Karen slowly became aware of her surroundings. Her head was resting on her folded arms below her and she was sitting in a chair… Suddenly the memory of waking up, drugged and slumped over a table came to her and her heart jumped into her throat. She sat up quickly, alarmed, and a small noise of panic escaped her lips.

She glanced around wildly before realizing she was still in the office, where she must have fallen asleep. Sunlight was filtering through the windows at a low angle. An alarmed Matt was standing next to her, his arm still stretched towards her.

"I'm sorry I startled you." He said, concern etched into his face as his hand dropped.

"No… it's…" She stammered, still trying to collect herself. The site of Wesley's body flashed across her vision. Her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. Her hands gripped the edge of the desk.

Silence filled the room.

"Did you sleep here?"

Karen forced the images away. "Ah… no. No. I just came in early and I guess I… I guess I fell asleep."

She wiggled the mouse and her computer screen blinked on.

7:13 AM

"Karen…" Matt still stood next to her. "If you need to talk…"

"I'm fine." Karen replied, too quickly. She paused and took a deep breath. "I am, Matt, I'm fine."

* * *

When he showed up at her apartment later that night, she had been drinking. He knew immediately when she answered her door. He could also tell that the apartment hadn't been cleaned in a while. The smell of stale alcohol and old takeout wafted over him. Strangely enough, however, he could tell that she had showered recently. Multiple times?

When they had settled in, and Matt had refused her offer for a drink, an awkward silence fell between them. Matt wanted, so desperately, to understand what had her so upset. He knew she had been through some terrible experiences. Here they were, seated feet away from where Daniel Fisher's body had lay. And he knew Ben Urich's death weighed heavily on her. But she had talked to him openly about these things. There was something else. Something that she was on edge about. Something in her voice that betrayed a fear that ran more deeply than he had guessed at first.

"Karen," he started, "I know you don't-"

"Have you ever killed someone?" Her whisper cut him off. It was intense, but so quiet that it was almost difficult for even him to hear.

The question startled him. His heart rate picked up.

Did she _know_? Was that what was upsetting her? Had she found out, or guessed?

Was this her way of telling him she knew who he was? What he did?

His thoughts flew wildly as he searched for a response, not knowing what she wanted him to say. If she knew what he was, why didn't she come out and say it? Whatever she was thinking, he needed to answer carefully. Stress was rolling off her in waves.

He decided to take her cue and remain vague.

"No… I've never killed anyone. I…" He took a deep breath and centered himself. "The law isn't perfect. And sometimes… I believe it can be necessary to pursue justice outside of the law. But killing… No. I don't believe that is my call to make."

He didn't know how he wanted her to react. Relief, maybe. _I'm not a murderer, Karen_.

Instead, he felt her pull back and close herself away.

Did she think he was lying to her?

Silence stretched between them. Matt worked his mouth, wanting to say more, but he couldn't find the words. He sat, listening to Karen's shallow breathing. Finally, she spoke up again.

"But… to keep yourself safe? Your loved ones safe… would you?"

Again, Matt paused. He suddenly felt as though she could see inside him. Could see his struggle with his desire to kill Wilson Fisk. The conversation had veered to a place that he had not intended it to go.

He forced out a small chuckle. "Do you think I often find myself in life-threatening situations, Karen?"

He was trying to goad her. He wanted her to scream, to jump at him and yell, and tell him that she knew. He couldn't handle this tension.

Instead he felt her sit back and reach for the bottle next to her. The liquid swished and the glass clinked against another bottle when she sat it down. Matt sat back as well. The tension still hung in the air, unresolved.

"I think I need to get some sleep." Karen said, finally.

Matt sighed. Slowly, he stood up. Karen made no move to get up and help him. Resignedly, he moved towards the door.

He was confused about her reaction. Maybe she didn't know about his nightly activities; maybe this was about something else. But what? Pushing didn't seem to be helping. Maybe he just had to wait for her to come to him.

* * *

Karen leaned from one foot to the other and back as she waited for Matt to answer his door. As soon as he had left, she'd stopped drinking and a certain level of sobriety had returned to her in the last few hours.

He pulled the door open.

"I… I need to tell you." She said, trying to sound as confident as possible in her decision.

He stood in front of her, confusion and relief mixing on his face.

A few minutes later, she was settled on his couch.

"You remember when I went to see Fisk's mother?"

Matt nodded, a grimace forming on his face.

"Well a few weeks ago… actually, it was that night that the drinks were poisoned at that gala thing… Do you remember?"

Matt nodded again. His expression was grim.

Karen breathed in deeply and pressed on. "I was grabbed that night. I woke up, and I was alone at this table. W-" She stuttered. "Wesley was there. You know, Fisk's right hand man?"

As she spoke, she was very aware of Matt's hands clenching in agitation.

"He told me that he knew that I'd been to see Fisk's mother. He… wanted me to switch sides. To start 'spreading the gospel' that Fisk is exactly what this city needs. He told me I was tenacious. That I have a knack for making people see things my way." She scoffed. The words felt like poison falling from her lips. "I refused of course. He told me… He threatened… you, Foggy, Ben… everyone…" Karen gasped slightly, and then the words poured out of her. "There was a gun… and I grabbed it. He told me it wasn't loaded…"

She took a few rattling breaths and avoided looking at the man sitting across from her.

"I killed him… Oh God, Matt, I killed him…"

She let out a sob and covered her mouth with her hand. Her world felt like it was falling apart all over again as she admitted it out loud. She shut her eyes tight. She couldn't look at him… she couldn't look at him.

She felt the couch sag beside her and strong, warm arms wrap around her.

She put her hands on his chest in a halfhearted attempt to push him away, but her head bowed down to his shoulder, even as she shook it in denial of the comfort he offered.

"No… you shouldn't…. I don't _deserve_ -" she spat, full of contempt at herself. But Matt cut her off.

"Don't say that." His voice was rough. He pulled her closer to him, and she finally allowed herself to relax into his embrace. She swallowed her sobs and stared across the room, trying her hardest to banish the images flashing across her vision. A small part of her had thought that telling someone would make her feel better. But she had been wrong… she felt even more terrible, more low than she had before, knowing that the man who held her in his arms could see her for what she was; a murderer.

"I'm-" Matt's voice sounded thick. "I'm so sorry."

Confusion pierced its way into Karen's dark thoughts. She wanted to sit up, to see his face. But… for the first time since she had fired that gun… she felt safe. She didn't want to give it up.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry that you got dragged into this."

"I got _myself_ into this, back when I saved myself a copy of that file. Back when I decided that my big, fat nose belonged in the middle of this mess."

Matt was quiet for a moment.

"This isn't your fault."

Anger sparked somewhere deep inside her. She pushed herself up and away from him roughly and was met with his startled expression.

"Not my fault? Not _my fault_?" She pulled away from him completely and got up off the couch, standing before him. "I _tricked_ Ben Urich into coming with me to see Fisk's mother. _Tricked_ him! I… I have the blood of _two_ men on my hands."

She looked defiantly down at Matt, as if daring him to say it wasn't her fault again. He sat on the couch, his hands gripping the seat on either side of him. The heart broken expression on his face was enough to melt her anger. She deflated quickly.

"Two men…" She repeated, this time her voice barely a whisper.

Matt stood up slowly, using his hands to guide himself up off the couch.

"You're right Karen." His voice was quick, urgent and low. "Sometimes our… actions… set things in motion. But if you look at it like that, like life is a series of dominos, then that only means someone else's actions forced your own. And something else forced theirs. Tracing the blame back… it gets you nowhere."

He paused and she could see his desire to reach out to her again, but he held himself back.

"There's always a reason… always a cause, a backstory… What are the reasons you started working for Union Allied? How did Wesley end up working for Fisk? No." He huffed a breath. "No, I think what matters most is the decisions you make, in the moment. Sure, life is a series of cause and effect. But we don't make decisions based on that. It's not until we look back that we see how everything fit. No. Our decisions, the ones that show who we are, they're made in the moment. Right in the moment. Like this one here."

He reached out his hands and waited for her to take them. She saw her hands shaking as she placed hers in his.

"This is a moment. And that was a moment. When you sat across from Wesley. That was a… a _terrible_ moment."

Matt's eyes were flicking back and forth around her face.

"And you made a-" Matt suddenly swallowed. He seemed to steel himself. "A call." He fixed his eyes behind her.

"I _killed_ a man." She whispered.

Matt's lip trembled slightly. "I know."

"You don't need to justify it Matt." Her voice was still barely above a whisper. "You're not just convincing a jury. I'm sorry… but… nothing you say will stop me from having to live with this."

He dropped her hands and moved his up to her shoulders. His voice wavered slightly when he responded.

"I just need you to know…" He paused, his eyes flicking back and forth across her face again, as if in search of her gaze. "You are still _worth_ so much. To me. To Foggy. Nothing's going to change that."

A lump formed in Karen's throat; she didn't know how to respond. She stood in front of him, clenching and unclenching her hands. She could barely accept his words. But this time she didn't fight him as he pulled her into an embrace.

"God… Foggy. Please don't tell him." She said into his shoulder.

"I won't." Matt said. "But… he's a lot more understanding than you might think."

"He's just so… good. He deserves more."

Matt let out a dark chuckle. "I've been telling myself that for a while now."

Karen pulled back so she could see his face. "Is that because of whatever fight you two got into?"

Matt's face fell. "Partly." He admitted.

Karen wanted to push. To ask again what that had been about. But it hardly seemed like the right time. Instead she let herself fall back into Matt's embrace. Maybe this conversation was enough for tonight. If she knew anything about Matt, it was that she could trust him. He would let her in when he was ready.

* * *

DAREDEVIL! Am I right? Netflix and Marvel are doing something very, very right.

Maybe it was just finals week, but my emotions were running high while I watched this show. I cried like a baby when Vladimir found out that his brother had died. And my heart almost jumped out of my throat when Fisk showed up during Matt's visit to Vanessa's art gallery. Every moment was just crafted perfectly.

I hope you enjoyed my contribution. Please leave a review! You'd make my day!


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